so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize