Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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