his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize