yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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