Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize