Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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