Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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