I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize