Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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