If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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