Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize