Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize