Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize