I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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