I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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