I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize