So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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