some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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