I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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