I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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