our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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