Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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