Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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