I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize