I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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