I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Farmville is her only friend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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