Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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