We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Screwed.edu
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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