The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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