the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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