Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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