I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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