I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
3 2 1 whiskey
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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