Betty ford says i'm here all night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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