Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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