You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize