I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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