Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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