You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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