I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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