he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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