I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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