Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize