I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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