So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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