She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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