I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize