my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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