Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
as a side note pls kill me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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