just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize